Friday, November 14, 2014


Ella woke up early. We waited until a little after 7 to wake Dave up. We hung out in bed.  Ella enjoyed having a dance party. She likes when Dave puts it on the TV so she gets to see dance videos for the songs.   She got tired a little after 8. She wouldn't sleep though. She wouldn't nurse. She would cry.  We even tried to just put her in the crib to go to sleep. For the first 10 minutes she was just talking and happy in there but then that changed.

After awhile we gave up.  She still wouldn't nurse in her room. I got her to nurse in the bedroom while she watched Dave. Then she fell asleep on me there.  After 40 minutes I tried to move her to the crib. I knew it was a bad idea. Dave thought it'd work. He was wrong.  She was up for good.

Then we hung out and played a little. Dave installed some of those child proof cabinet things. He needed my assistance so then I was there with Ella too. After that Ella napped again on me. I wanted her off but that failed.  She woke up again going to the crib. I knew it would happen. I tried to get Dave to wrap a birthday present but he didn't.  Finally it was 1:30 and I had to shower. We had a birthday party to go to.

I put Dave in charge of Ella while I showered. He got a shower no problem earlier but I was still trying to get my shower in after my run on THURSDAY.  I can hear Ella whining and complaining the entire shower. As soon as I'm done I go out to the living room to find Ella playing and Dave sleeping. Well of course she sees me and her complaining turns to straight up crying. I have to wrap the present still and finish getting dressed. Dave turns on music videos for her so I can spend 3 minutes doing everything I need to do.  Then Dave tells me how good he was for watching her for me. I complained because 3 minutes versus all day was not good.
Ella enjoyed the party. She did cry twice. She was cranky from her lack of proper napping. She eventually crawled into the big thing for babies to crawl through. We played on the playground. She loved the swing, the slide, and climbing the stairs. I did take her out of the swing because she kept pulling her foot out and I told her she had to sit properly or we were getting out. She didn't listen so we got out.
There were so many babies there. At one point I overheard a mom of a 1 year old girl saying how she thinks girls want to be held more and boys will just go play.  I didn't realize but at that point I looked around and Ella was playing on the ground with all boys and all the girls were all being held by their parents. There were only a few boys being held and they were younger so weren't at the crawling stage yet.  All the boys were a couple months older than Ella that she was playing with.

When we got there, I took 2 of my blankets over because one was still damp from the dryer.  Well I used both. There were 4 blankets down for the babies and 2 were mine! Go me for taking stuff. I feel like we should have been warned that the picnic areas were all on dirt so blankets were good so babies aren't crawling on dirt. Or maybe I should just know what all the parks are like so I know what we are getting into.

Ella fell asleep on the way home. Dave tried to take her in her carrier in the house but she woke up. So she had a third nap that was insanely short. All 3 naps totaled less time than her old normal noon nap.

When we got home, Dave was playing his video game. We did a phone call with my parents but that was hard because it kept blanking out. I could hear them fine on a hangout but they couldn't hear me at all. The phone call was also tough because Ella was not happy and making noises and not pleasant. She needed food. I needed food. (The party didn't have a meal and I never ate lunch.)  Well Dave played his game and I was dealing with everything and it was NOT PLEASANT. To top it off, I think I was getting a blocked duct and it HURT A LOT.  Well I made some TV dinner and also fed Ella. She didn't want much. She still complained. I wanted to finish eating. She only calmed down a bit with her cheesy little crunches. I had just opened them.  At least I got to finish eating. Then I told Dave it was time for bedtime routine. He didn't believe it. It was after 7 PM by this point.  I actually think I told him a few times before he even heard me because of his game.

Well we did bedtime routine and Ella was in freak out cry mode because she was too tired. Then 2 minutes into nursing she fell asleep.

When I put her in her crib and came out to the living room that's when Dave asked if I wanted a frozen pizza. I'm not sure he even realized I ate 2 things that I made earlier. I agreed though.  We finished watching the Lego Movie that we started watching 2 weekends earlier.  I fell asleep right after it was over.  It was definitely before 9 PM. I slept on the couch a little then heard crying. I thought it was Ella but it was something on the TV.  That startled me enough and once I figured out it wasn't Ella, I went into bed and went to sleep.

Overall I was mad at Dave all day for not helping with Ella enough. (While typing this post Ella was near me and she was fine until that last sentence and she kept hitting delete. I guess she didn't want me to complain.)  I've had a bad time the past few weeks with naps with Ella. It all started with when we were sick and I would let her nap on me because I was too weak to even try to get her to the crib.  Then she always wants to nurse while sleeping which I call a boob nap. She wakes up if I take it away and won't go back to sleep. Then she's also super cranky and I'm the one to deal with it all day because Dave gets home just barely before she goes to bed or after she goes to bed.  Then I just started spoiling her letting her do it if we had plans because I didn't want her super cranky. But this meant for weeks I only had about 3 naps total in the crib so I can never get ANYTHING DONE. I can't shower. I can't do anything. I can't prep. I can't clean. I can't put away stampin' up stuff.  I can't start planning my next class.  I'm just a big whiner but it is really hard. When we are at the park and socializing with others, Ella is always so good. People don't even think she can ever be cranky. They don't know.  I need a vacation. I need a few hours of break but I don't get it at all. It's wearing me down. I also feel like I can't complain about it because moms can't complain. That's the perception. Many many many moms tell me how moms need time out and I should be having a night out or few hour break. But then other people think or say the opposite. In general moms have to do it all and are expected to do so much. I'll stop whining more but I was going to link to some articles I read recently referring to things I talked about but who has time for that. I can't believe Ella actually played while I typed this post.  You know it's been bad when I have not had daily posts not even a post with 1 video or 1 picture.  (I typed this all the morning of 10/12 but it will be awhile before I can get pictures uploaded so who knows when it will actually get posted.)


  1. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Just know that it WILL get easier the older she is. The first year is by far the hardest, in my opinion. Especially with breastfeeding, too. You're doing a great job. Ella loves you and appreciates you. And you're a good mom. I hope that you are able to figure out time for yourself, because I agree it's important to take it. But if you can't get it arranged, just know it won't always be this way. Ella will be eating regular food for all her meals, she won't need as many naps, she'll be able to entertain herself for longer periods of time, and she won't be as clingy. Hang in there!

    1. It's gotten easier lately because I've managed to get Ella to nap in her crib. It's crazy how that little "break" helps me get so much work done and stop being in freak out mode.
      I almost deleted that last paragraph there before posting but since I wrote it originally I left it.

  2. We all need a break now and then... Have you thought about possibly joining the co-op? I've been using it to just get away for a few hours (usually to blog). It's really been a lifesaver!

    1. I've thought about the coop but then get scared about baby proofing. As Ella gets bigger we baby proof more but if a kid is older we realize right away what else needs to be put away/up high.

      Im surprised you even saw this blog/post.