and now

and now there are none

i ate one and shared the other with dave. i'm such a good friend.

i want more

star crunch

who ate 2/3 of my star crunch that were left? the box was already half gone because out of the goodness of my heart i shared them when i opened the box. that meant ...boom... 6 outa 12 gone. so, so far i had one out of the 10 missing. i love star crunch. it's bad enough that muffins and other such food disappear but it's my star crunch. i need what my gram called "pinchy cookies."

stuff

i'm dead. yup i am. i never knew a smoothie was so good. so good being that it's the only thing i can swallow. i ate a bowl of cereal today. that is more food than i had all day yesterday. standing waiting in line for a smootie i got all lightheaded again. it was too much standing for me. then after we went and sat on a hill for a little bit. we came back to dorm i took medicine. i think my head forgot to come back. i visited gravester on my way to my second home. we all talked in there. that was a little too much for my body to handle today. pb's doing work like a good little boy right now. he has a lot to do today because he has been taking care of me.

yesterday after his class and after we picked up his psych test, we went to sit on a hill behind the library. it was a nice hill. we ended up lying on the hill for a goodwhile. i got some dirt on my knee and grass imprints on my legs. my chem book made a good pillow.

this morning i had a not so pleasant wake-up call from my dad. he never calls on the phone, so i was quite surprised. someone changed some policy somewhere so i had to write a letter to say that my dad coudl handle things. stupid junk. never going to doctors for anythign ever again.

when i went to mail that letter, i checked my mail. i got a postcard from a friend from home. it made me laugh and feel a lot better. the funny thing was that she wanted to cheer me up when i was sad last week but she cheered me up from being sick for a few seconds. gotta love jess frick! i miss her. i'm so glad she will be home this summer.

o the pain

feeling like i'm swallowing my tongue is not a good thing. i wish i could eat again. it took all the effort i had in me to eat half a hash brown this morning for breakfast. i also had half a glass of orange juice. i took advil at breakfast, but my head still hurts. i want to die. i knew i was going to get sick but then so much time had passed i thought i got lucky and it missed me. i wish it had. o the pain

this class is also awful. it's hard enough to concentrate when i'm healthy so now it's bad. he keeps scrolling and i miss stuff!! nice way to review for final

pb's sick too :(

death

that's what i feel like now. i hate headaches. i hate sore throats. i hate fevers. i hate taking tests while sick.

psych

i gotta do some hardcore psych studying today. i tend to slack and my mind wanders so i don't absorb it all. i am going to study though. i will get a good grade.

my throat hurts to swallow. that doesn't make life easy. i went to the mueller center today but i didn't do very much. my face didn't even get red. i want to go back. my arm is still sore from going on thursday. my left arm isn't sore, only my right.

overall, i believe i am in a good mood today. the mueller center actually makes me feel good. i shoulda gone before thursday for the first time. i also enjoy wearing a skirt and a new shirt too.

rd john

the rd just knocked on the door. the fire deptartment wants to talk to pb and pip. pip is not back yet. pb did not like yet another visitor. and also before after we exited the building whoever it was lit holly's sign on fire too.

evidence

about an hour ago the fire alarm went off. it was pb's door. the pretty birthday sign was on fire. about 10 minutes before the alarm went off i was asleep. good thing i was reminded i didn't brush my ... hang on being questioned by the public safety sergeant... didn't brush my teeth with maggie. well after i leave maggie's room, i see smoke at the end of the hallway. it was quite a surprise. next thing i know it's the best sign on the door that is on fire. what a 3/4 birthday present he got from someone. after we were outside, a trip to walmart was suggested, but i was in my pjs. me and pb went for a little walk and sat on a hill. after awhile we decided to move a new hill. on our way we were just given word we were allowed back in the building. i went to my room then came to pb's room. we had to walk past public safety looking at the door to get in. jesse was also explaining what he saw to them. a few minutes later the sergeant arrived and asked us questions. he thought we knew something but of course we didn't. gravester and the rest are not back yet. they actually decided to leave when me and pb left. there became enough room in the car w/o our two bodies.

yup

stuff and things that shouldn't be talked about

test

we have some test regrading going on here. and there are inconsistencies in grading so they r making it the same and taking off more minus points. so my "rooky mistake" went from a -4 to a -10 92 to an 86...hopefully no more regrading

i didn't actually get it back yet

no psych

i can't breathe out of my nose

no psych class today. i'm going to read some i think.

i slept good last night!

random acts of kindness

Kelly just imed me wondering if i had engineering processes and if i needed my lab manual. her roommate needs one and left his in the lab. being the good person that i am, i let him borrow mine. it was fun stuff hunting for it and i put it in a folder since it wasn't all intact. i had a nice run to the door and then a nice run back. stopping to say hey to maggie both ways. i dont' even know this kid's name. he is taking engineering processes, a freshman course, and is a roommate to a senior... hmmm

so i laughed and stuff tonight. i can't even remember why, but it was nice to forget certian things for a brief moment.

and the rest of the white chocolate bunny makes a cool noise when tossed into the garbage can.

old/new ideas

psych book p551 "I am basically weak, and can never be strong" "I am always a coward in every situation I encounter"

I figured that things could be worse. In the shower a bit ago I was thinking about how I used to think that way. I wondered what happened to that. Things used to always go wrong for me but I always thought they could be worse... no matter what the situation was. What happened to that thinking? I am going to try very hard to go back to it. I mentioned earlier that I am a happy person....hah
Today I realized that if you think you are going to fail you will or if u think you are a failure, you become one.
We made a collage for Jess today to try to make her feel better.
Time to get to work.

o the effort required to make this post. millions of internet explorer windows are not cool

yup

OreoFuchi: rpi does people in

correct

by popular demand

SmilinColleen will be used again even though I am still quite depressed and sad and angry and not happy. I'm so confused about how i ended up this way. I used to be smart. What happened to me?

so much for doing better on that test. i think it is my worst so far. i made stupid mistakes and couldn't think. it's going to cost me. i really hate this class.

EP

I finished my EP lab last night at 4am. I kept falling asleep while writing it. I don't think it is very good. Today I took the final. I stayed awake during it. I was the first one done. Now I am finished with EP forever. I liked that class though.
Jess is not feeling great today. I understand her pain even though I don't even know what is bothering her.
Chem test in an hour and I didn't study yet.

It's easy to write a lab when falling asleep

uh o

PB's sick now too

new screen name

Last night I decided upon a new screen name temporarily. FrowninColleen will be used until my smile comes back permanently.

Today I filled out a course evaluation for MAU. It's the first time I ever rated a professor a 1. I also wrote some comments about the class and him. That made me a tad bit happier, but nowhere close to how I should feel.

fact

it all bottoms down to the fact that i'm a failure

sigh

i not only caused me for bad grades, but because of me pb has to retake the IEA test because he didn't do well enough. previously he got A's on teh tests. Maggie told me it's not my fault that it's jesse's, but it's really mine.

Kate's house

We were almost thinking of not going because of our excessive amounts of work. Kate sorta had us go anyway and she doesn't have much work at all. Then when we got there Tim was sick. Kate knows that me and Maggie get really sick when we get sick and that we have sooo much work to do this week. No consideration for that was taken. I didn't know he was sick until we got there. We did have some fun there but the after effects are going to be worse. Last night I was saying to PB and Maggie that I was going to be so mad if we got sick. We can't afford it. If I'm sick during finals again, I will cry. That was brutal last semester. Well I get to psych today and Maggie is sick. This is not a good thing at all. I feel so bad for her. I know her pain. I can't believe the lack of consideration. Last night I realized I even have more work. I thought I had an Engineering Processes final on my last day of class and the lab report due. Well they decided to change it and make everyone's due this week. That is another thing to add to my list of what I need to do before Wed. There goes my not Cs in my classes.

The weekend

was busy. I woke up late yesterday. PB didn't set the alarm right. I woke up in plenty of time to get ready but I planned on being up sooner. We went to Kate's, ate lunch, went on a bike ride, played in a creek, saved Kate’s shoe from the creek, rode back, cleaned our feet in the tub, dyed Easter Eggs, made cookies, ate white pizza, ate carrot cake, decorated cookies, picked up Kate's brother, Ray, worked on homework, got ready for bed, did some homework on the sleeper couch and then I talked to Maggie and went to sleep.
Sunday, Kate and Tim woke us up at 7:10am laughing. It was Easter egg hunt time. I got lots of laundry money. Lots being one loads worth. Then it was breakfast time. Maggie’s dad showed up, gave us our biplanes, we went to church, I had to walk something up to the priest, then it was play station time. I fell asleep while playing some racing game. Then I cut out phrases in magazines for scrap booking. Then we looked at pictures from her vacations. Then it was lunchtime. Then it was get ready to leave time. Two hours later we left. I slept in the car on the way back. On our way back in the building Jess was right in front of us. We gave Jess her biplane and she was all excited. Then I went and visited PB and we came here and I showed him my candy. Then I began working on homework again. Then Jess invited us all to some Easter party and of course who walks in to go w/ her.. none other than Gravester. They left while PB was helping Maggie fix the CAD that she messed up on cuz she didn't listen to us about one file long ago... sad times. She has tons of work ahead of her... yup even more than me. She is also worried about grades but I’d have to say mine are gonna be worse than hers.

I've realized that if my family reads this or doesn't, I’ll be saying the same old junk anyway. it's not like I have anything else to say.

I have so much work to do before the end of the semester. This semester went by so fast. There is like no time left. There were so many thing that we all wanted to do before we left for the summer. It looks like none of that is gonna get done or maybe one of the many things might. I'm hoping getting dressed up to go out to eat will be what we accomplish. Friday we are going out to eat for PB's 3/4 birthday.... hmmm we could get dressed up pretty for that...ooo that'd be nice.

I really hope I don't have to take the physics final. I want an A in that though.... o the possibilities.

guy makes a good drunk

some drunk guy was out in the hall. pb went to get apple juice and when he returned, he told me i had to come see him. so i did. guy was trying to get into "his" room. banging on the door cuz his key wouldn't work. someone went and got an RA. he lives on the second floor. i recognized him as guy and said i think that's guy, stone's roommate. and what do u know... a few seconds later he shouts come on stone. they took him to the second floor so i didn't get to see anything that happened next. the cops were outside a bit later.

it appears to be moving watching time even though i have tons of work to do.

3 weeks and a day

and i'll be home. what will i be up to this summer. i need to find a job. i could always go back to my old jobs, but i hate them. i want a good job that pays well but i bet that won't happen.

it's friday and i'm reading psych. well if you want to get technical at this moment i'm not reading it. but i wonder how long reading will last. i want to finish this chapter tonight. then i want to look at some physics. if i do really well on this last test then i can take the optional final and get an A. That is possible but unlikely based on my recent test skills.

Today's my mom's birthday!

Easter this weekend. Maggie and I r going to Kate's tomorrow and going to church on sunday. that was all ok but then she informs me that we have to wake up at like 6am for an easter egg hunt. morning people suck. at first i didn't think it would be all that cool because i would have to go to sleep super early. this weekend is going to be interesting

sadness

i don't like it when insurance is brought up because it's my fault.

pictures

You gotta love pictures. I just showed some of Gravester's high school friends some pictures of him painting nails. O the joy. But they left before I got to show them all of the pictures.

waiting

I hate waiting for class junk. I sit here doing nothing becuase he won't pass out a survey we have to fill out.

I'm going to die

I have to wake up before 6am at Kate's for an Easter Egg hunt!
That's just wrong! I had no clue it was that early. I would rather be at dorm I think. I have to study hardcore and will not have any time.

I realized how much I absolutely hate it when others are watching my screen while I am talking on AIM. I can't take it!

Not too many things on my to do list got done last night. That means I have a whole lot more to do tonight.
At breakfast I thought of something to write about and now I totally forget. I love my memory. It helps me os much in psych.
I fell asleep doing physics last night. But it's the physics due Tuesday night so I'm ok. Physics is my favorite class. Too bad I didn't realize this earlier in the semester. If I did, I could have had something to look foreward to. Right now I'm doing such a good job paying attention to the psych lecture.
Today when the alarm went off, I didn't want to wake up. PB has an IEA test tomorrow morning. I think I should wake up early with him so I can train myself for the going to be early part at Kates. Plus then I might get some work done. Tomorrow is Good Friday and we have class. It's also my mom's birthday. Well it's also Jessie M's, Angie M's, and John E's. Chase's was yesterday and today was my grandpap's. I remember those joys of going to my gram's so many times around Easter. Brithdays and two Easters. Sometimes my mom wouldn't like this because it would mess up her birthday.
"where teenagers go to makeout" ---that's what I heard when I decided to listen to the lecture. So back to writing now. Diff. eq. recitation is cancelled for today. I'm going to go to office hours for MAU though. I hope I can learn something. My lips are so dry. I should have chapstick with me... wait i do. *puts some on* I think there might be about five peo ple paying attention. That is odd. Maybe because it's still the beginning of class.
OOOO my mom imed me and it made me think of what I originally wanted to write about. Last night I got out a pair of jeans that fit at the beginning of the school year. I also got out the pair of jeans that fit now. There was quite a difference between the waists of both of them. Those old ones were like two and a half inches smaller...which makes it about five because they were folded in half. That's like impossible. Boy do i wish I was thin again. I would also be able to run better. I think that is why it's hard to run. I already gained the freshman 15. I stop at 15, because kids say they gained the freshman 15 when they gain five so it can be lied the other way too. I gained 13 first semester. I should really start to watch what I eat, but I won't. My dad gained 20 lbs a year up here. I will not be doing that.

failure

I've accepted that I'm a failure.

I'm eating chips with dip!

tonight

I made a to do list for tonight. There are many things to be done. A little bit ago i had to add "find key"... I wonder where it could be. I had it to open my door at 5:30 and it ran away. Most of the things on my to do list are not school related even though I'm like failing and should work on that part more.

I realized today that it makes me feel good when Foo comes and asks me all these Gateway questions. It's like at least I still know something.

I also figure I should watch what I say cuz sooner or later the whole family will be reading this like they did before.

I just remembered that I forgot to fill up my water bottle at dinner with nice cold water!

finished

I finished my engineering processes cannon today. The professor told me it was better than most. That put me in a good mood. I didn't have enough time to shower after class and before lunch and chem. When I got back Jess made an exclamation about how dirty I was. You gotta love EP like that. I just got back from chem and slept 3/4 of the class. My notes are quite pretty though. I hope I didn't miss much. I really need to work on staying awake in that class. It's so hard.

I went to sleep early last night. Well 2am. I haven't been to sleep that early in forever. And I had a muffin for breakfast today. Another plus.

This leads me to be slightly forgetting about my horrible day yesterday and not being in such a rotten mood. But don't get me wrong. I still don't feel as happy as I used to.

running

I went with Kate around 9:45. We ran around a bit then went up to the track. Stretching was fun. ran 800, walked lap,ran 400, walked lap, ran 400, jogged 3 laps, stretched, jogged back

yay for painful shins

brighten?

Today has not been so great but creating this shall brighten my day some. It could take my mind off of everything else. Some would be glad that classes are almost over, but to me the end is coming too quickly.